


Our love is madness

by Denegressi



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 01:23:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13847091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Denegressi/pseuds/Denegressi
Summary: Elio and Oliver have been together for ten years, but even though they've been clearly happy and made for each other, life is not always sunshine and flowers...





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first time writing this fandom. This is just a two chapter thingy and I hope someone, somewhere likes it.
> 
> Title is from Muse song Madness, and all mistakes are my own!

Ten years.

They say happy couples have a crisis every seven years, well… I guess ours came a little later than that.

 _Later_.

It will pass, I know it, but it doesn’t hurt any less. The thing is that I miss him so fucking much. It’s with that thought in mind that I stop feeling sorry for myself and put a plan in action. Let’s hope it works…

*

One hour earlier

“You’re going out again?” I ask in annoyance.

“Yes, I am.”

“Don’t you have piano practice tomorrow with your mentor?”

“Only in the afternoon, dad.”

It should be forbidden for him to go out with his friends looking that way. Tight jeans, black long sleeved shirt, curly hair almost reaching his shoulders. He was making me salivate… I wanted to grab him and fuck him through the wall, but I was too stubborn for that… I was too concentrated on the fact that he was mad at me and in return I was mad at him for the stupidest of reasons.

I don’t even know how it started but I guess it was our age difference finally showing some signs of life. Elio’s 27 now but even in his early twenties it never bothered him to see his friends hooking up with different people on an almost daily basis. We completed each other in a way most people were not able to understand. Sometimes I thought he was losing something in life because of me, but whenever I brought it up he just laughed it off.

In a way we were lucky, because that stupid deadly virus never entered our lives, since we were monogamous. It hadn’t been the same for many others… As if discrimination wasn’t already a part of our lives just because we loved each other, we had to face being thrown into a pit of shame of a disease that was as far from us as from any other person who was responsible when it came to sex, gay or straight.

“Alright… I just worry.”

“Well, you shouldn’t. If you trusted me, you wouldn’t worry, perhaps you’d even come with me.”

And with that he left. I kind of deserved this. Anyway, to explain how this tension started, I need to go back… How long has it been? A week? Seems like a year…

A week earlier

I was in a bad mood. And that is why I blame myself, because Elio was just being Elio and I was pushing him away.

“Come on! It will take your mind off things… It’s Friday, anyway, you don’t need to be anywhere early tomorrow…”

I was on my desk, going through my students’ exams and he was hugging me from behind, his nose on the curve of my neck, trying to convince me to go out into the Milan night with him and his friends, to dance… Elio loved to dance, and he was so good at it too. His sensuality was always very evident and it came naturally so there’s no need for me to say that he was always something else to look at on a dance floor.

“I’m really not in the mood. You go, have fun, waste that energy and I’ll be here when you get back.”

“You’ll be sleeping…”

“Probably.” I knew I was being dry and there was no reason. My conversation with my mother of only three hours before – if it can be called a conversation – was on my mind and somehow I didn’t mention it to Elio so he thought that my mood was just due to my work schedule as an English Literature Professor at Milan University.

“Are you sure I can’t change your mind?” He said in a sultry voice as he bit my earlobe and his hand started going south.

I just wanted to stop him so I grabbed it rougher than I intended, and looked at him in the eyes.

“Let go, Elio. You can’t always have it your way. I need space, okay?”

I will never forget the hurt that erupted in those green eyes. The most beautiful eyes in the whole world.

I regretted my actions immediately, but somehow I couldn’t take it back and it didn’t take a minute for him to be out of the apartment, loud steps and probably tears in his eyes.

_For ten years you have been nothing but a reason for me to feel ashamed._

My mother’s words suddenly sounded appropriated, even though in a completely different context.

As everything started to sink in, I became worried… Worried that Elio would be just walking non stop and alone in a city like Milan. Worried that he wouldn’t be able to protect himself… Suddenly, I could barely breathe thinking that I could be the cause of something terrible happening to the love of my life. A thought rushed to my mind, I vaguely remembered Elio saying that he would meet his friend Mateo at his house and they would go from there so I tried to call him. I didn’t want to go into details but I made him promise he’d call me back when Elio arrived at his place.

Twenty excruciating minutes after, I got the call. Elio was safe. My breathing calmed down and I decided that I should go to bed and try to get some sleep.

It’s easier said than done, of course. On top of it all, Elio didn’t come home that night… The thought that he could be cheating on me was far away at that point, but I couldn’t help but feel uneasy.

I had been the only man in his life and a nonsensical fight like the one we’d just had could lead him to some sort of experimentation to get back at me.

No… Not my Elio.

It was about 10 in the morning when I decided to call Mateo.

“Pronto.”

“Hi, it’s Oliver again. I just wanted to know if Elio’s all right… He didn’t come home last night.”

“Yes, he’s here,” he says in his thick Italian accent. “He was too drunk last night, I was the one who made him stay… It was safer this way.”

I gulped. He was okay, but I was still feeling that pang of jealousy within my chest. Mateo was straight, and he was a great guy and a great friend to Elio, but what if he was covering him up? What if Elio wasn’t really there with him?

“Can you… Can you put him on the phone? I just want to hear his voice...”

“Man, I don’t know… I can try but he was really pissed off last night. He just drank and drank and drank… He’s still sleeping soundly.”

I pressed my thumb and index finger to my eyes and nodded to no one in particular. “Okay, just… tell him to call when he wakes up. I won’t be leaving all day, so… I can go pick him up so he doesn’t have to walk.”

“That will do.”

I thanked him and put down the phone, wanting to scream.

*

Elio showed up at 8pm that evening. Just walking in like a ghost with huge bags under his eyes. At that time, I had already made up my mind that my conversation with Mateo had been a lie. I was convinced that Elio wasn’t sleeping at his place at all.

“Where the fuck have you been?”

“Somewhere.”

“Mateo said you slept at his place.”

“He lied. I asked him to lie. I need a shower.”

I froze.

“Elio! What are you talking about?” I followed him to our bedroom where he was picking up something to wear after his shower, my hands shaking, my voice hysterical, my heart pounding… “Where have you been? I was so fucking worried and you didn’t even stop to think about that?”

“You said you needed space. I gave you space. You see how thoughtful and nice I am?” His shaking voice and his watering eyes corrupt his sarcasm.

“I know and I’m sorry I was so rough with you last night. But it was a moment, and I’ll be sorry for the rest of my days and make it up to you, I promise, but don’t do this… Don’t shut me out.”

“So you can shut me out whenever you want but I can’t do the same, is that it?”

I take a deep breath and go back to my initial point. I needed to be sure…

“Where were you?”

When he looks back at me all wide eyes and trembling lips, I see it – disappointment. And that’s when I realise that I’ve made yet another terrible mistake.

“So that’s it… You think I slept with some random guy,” he whispers. With no further words, he gets in the bathroom and locks the door, preventing any further actions on my side.

I don’t know how long he stays there, but it’s more than one hour. When he gets out he goes straight to bed and I stay on the couch. I don’t even know why I didn’t go to bed, maybe because I can’t stand to be there and feel him so distant. It was the first night we went to sleep on bad terms, ever… Usually our little fights are nothing but that, little.

*

When I wake up on the next day, Elio was already gone. I groaned in frustration not knowing what to do. I couldn’t call my family of course, so, when there was still no sign of Elio in the early afternoon, I called the family I chose – Samuel and Annella. Maybe Elio was with them, but if he wasn’t I didn’t want to worry them either, so I needed to act cool.

“Pronto,” Annella’s sweet voice almost had an instant soothing effect on my racing heart.

“Hi! It’s Oliver,” I found myself smiling.

“Oh, hello darling! How are you on this fine Sunday morning?”

Should I lie? I couldn’t… Not to her.

“Not so well, I’m afraid… Is Elio with you?”

“He left already.”

“Oh?”

“He had lunch with us… He left about ten minutes ago.”

I let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

“Well…” She seemed to be struggling with something. “My son can be stubborn… He’s like me or worse,” we both chuckled. “Last Friday when he showed up at night-“

“Showed up? Wait a minute… He’s been there?”

“Well, yes… you didn’t know?”

“He never told me…” I sighed again. “I believe he’s trying to punish me…”

I could practically see her smiling in that motherly way. “I’m sure everything will be all right, darling.”

We talked for a little longer, mostly me being self-depreciative and Annella trying to comfort me. Why can’t I have a mother like her?

When I put the phone down, I went to the balcony to have a cigarette and after about an hour, I was still standing there on my third cigarette and Elio was home. I closed my eyes with a smile. Time to make things right.

Surprisingly, he didn’t waste anytime and joined me in the balcony. His eyes were troubled and I knew he wanted to say something that was important to him.

“I know I made you worry, and I’m sorry about that.”

I moved to take him in my arms and stop this nonsense but he steps back, his defences were still up, it seemed...

“But I can’t bear the thought that you believed I was cheating on you,” his voice started shaking and for the first time I noticed the redness in his eyes. “That fucking hurt…”

“You said you told Mateo to lie… That you were never there…”

“I didn’t want you to know that I was with my parents because I knew you’d stop by and I didn’t want to see you. I didn’t even go to the disco on Friday night, I just went to Mateo’s to tell him what to say in case you called him.”

“How could I know…?”

“You couldn’t, that was the plan. But to think I would let someone else fuck me? After everything? I never expected something like that from you, Oliver… Not from you…” The last words came out as a whisper as he let his head down.

I tried to hold him again, but he was still not letting me come near him.

“I’m sorry… I wasn’t thinking straight, you have to forgive me on this one…”

“I will, eventually, of course I will, I love you for fucks sake, but just… Let me be for a bit…”

And just like that he turned away, leaving me on that balcony with my sinking heart.

*

Present time

Elio came home early tonight; I’m still awake, reading on our bed when I hear the front door. As his steps approach I put the book down and smile at him when he enters the bedroom. The smile is not returned so I just roll my eyes and go back to my book.

He does a show of getting out of his clothes though, so my eyes aren’t really on the written words in front of me but on him. And the bastard knows it.

“Fun night?”

“Uneventful. Boring.”

When he’s completely naked and I’m salivating, he grabs a towel and goes to the bathroom.

Tomorrow, I think, tomorrow all of this will be forgotten. I smile and put the book down, turning on my side. For the last few evenings, I tried to make amends with Elio, I tried making love to him but he’s still not letting me. Tonight, I won’t try anything but tomorrow… Tomorrow his mind will be blown. I booked two Friday night plane tickets to go to London. I know Elio loves London and we’ve never been there together. It cost me a fortune to buy on such a hurry but I know it will be worth it. We’ll spend the weekend there and I’ll spend every minute making him feel loved and deserved.

It will pass… It will be alright.

Annella said so and, to this day, I have no reason to doubt her.


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the second part. Hope you like it :)
> 
> More notes in the end...

I know Elio will have a mini heart attack when he passes through our front door, but somehow I’m looking forward to it. I’ve prepared my suitcase with clothes for both of us and left it in the entering hall. He has no idea about the “kidnapping” that is about to take place so when he sees the suitcase he’ll think I’m leaving. I know I shouldn’t scare him like that but it’s stronger than me…

 

At this point, it’s not like we’re mad at each other anymore, we’re just being stubborn and not wanting to take the first step.

 

I’m just finishing cleaning up the bathroom when he arrives and I can’t help but smile at his almost hysterical scream.

 

“Oliver!”

 

“Yes!”

 

I can hear him exhale loudly as he approaches me, and when I look back I find him staring at me from the doorstep of the bathroom, glaring, panicking.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“I was just finishing cleaning up so we don’t leave this house a mess for two days… You know I hate that.”

 

He shakes his head; wild curls everywhere, as if he’s trying to wake up from some sort of weird dream.

 

“What will happen in two days? What the fuck are you talking about?”

 

“The question my dear is not what will happen _in_ two days, but what will happen _for_ two days…”

 

“I’m still not following. You’re making me nervous.”

 

I chuckle and approach him, snaking my arms around his waist. Finally, at last, after what seems like a million years, he lets me. Further than that, he lets his head fall forward and thump into my chest, breathing in deeply. I kiss his head and hug him tighter. He shivers under my touch and suddenly I feel like my chest is about to burst.

 

“Please tell me I’m not going insane…” he pleads.

 

“You’re not going insane, you’re going to London. With me. For two whole days.”

 

It takes a while but when my words sink in into his consciousness, his body jolts back like it has been electrified.

 

“What did you say?”

 

“He have a plane to catch in,” a quick glance at my watch “three hours, so we need to hurry!”

 

His expression is almost comical as he looks up at me with his mouth wide open. Now, that is too tempting isn’t it? I _need_ to capture that mouth with my own.

 

It takes him a few moments to respond to my kiss but I know it’s due to shock and not because he’s still rejecting me. When he does though, it takes all the power within me to stop him so we can catch the bloody plane. His hands travel to the back of my neck to pull me closer as he feels me trying to step back.

 

“Baby, we need to go to the airport”, he kisses along my jawline, my neck and I can’t help but groan in pleasure. “It will probably take us about an hour to get there, with the traffic and all…”

 

“Don’t care… Just want you so much right now…” he groans.

 

“Me too, but I put a lot of effort into planning all this and I know you want to go so can we please delay this for a few hours? It will be worth it, I promise.”

 

He sighs and bites his lower lip looking up at me through his long eyelashes. How can a single human being be this sexy without any efforts?

 

“All right… But I will have the bluest balls in history…”

 

*

 

In my mind, it was the longest trip ever. Well, maybe not as long as that time when I returned from the US to be with Elio, nine years ago. But still, it was a tough ride and flight in a whole new level. Of course, Elio wasn’t making any of this easier for me - horny is practically his middle name, afterall.

 

Once we were in the plane, he requested a blanket and threw it over us so he could do things to me with no one watching. He was driving me insane, and he knew it.

 

“You’re making it more difficult for both of us…” I half whisper, half groan, getting a wicked smile in return. He had his hand on my thigh and luckily the couple that was on the two seats on the other side of the corridor didn’t seem to be paying any attention, as they were absorbed in their readings.

 

“Elio…” he whispers in my ear and I feel it going straight to my cock.

 

I check my watch and realise that we’re almost landing… Thankfully.

 

“You’re crazy,” I whisper back and kiss his temple quickly.

 

When the crew starts getting everything ready for landing, Elio winks and puts his hand on his own lap. We still have to catch the underground to get to the hotel and I find myself sighing in anticipation as the thought assaults my head.

 

At least, we don’t have to wait too long for our suitcase or for the underground train to arrive, even though we’re as impatient as two horny teenagers.

 

It’s almost midnight when we finally arrive at the hotel. Elio is practically bouncing while I take care of our check in and when I am finally holding a key in my hand he practically skips to the lift. The receptionist gives us a strange look, like she knows perfectly well what we are and doesn’t exactly approve. Well… I couldn’t care less about her prejudices.

 

When we find ourselves inside the lift for the fifth floor, Elio throws his arms around me.

 

“Thank you,” he murmurs. “Thank you, my Elio.”

 

He then looks at me in the eyes and smiles until I press my forehead against his.

 

I don’t know how but we actually manage to go slow when we enter our room. We take our time undressing each other as if trying to lengthen the moment. After our actions on the long way here, I never thought this would be possible, but Elio never ceases to surprise me.

 

“I want you to fill me up tonight, I’ve been so empty all these days.”

 

That’s it. He knows he can’t talk to me like that and expect me to keep it slow. Leaning down to kiss his grinning mouth I grab his arse and lift him up until he wraps his legs around my waist.

 

“I’ve got you,” I whisper.

 

“Oh yes… you’ve got me since that summer in 1983.”

 

*

 

“We’re so stupid I don’t even know how I was able to spend an entire week without kissing you… I mean, _I_ was stupid, because you tried…” Elio rambles away later on, as we both lie naked, his sweaty body sprawled on top of mine where it belongs.

 

“It’s okay… We don’t have to talk about it.”

 

“I _want_ to talk about it,” he says, propping himself up on his elbows and looking down at me. “I exaggerated, Oliver… I was a drama queen…”

 

“Well, you _are_ a drama queen, but I already knew that, ten years ago, when I decided that I wasn’t leaving on that train and it didn’t change my mind back then nor does it changes anything now…”

 

“You’ve never regretted it? Not for one moment?”

 

I sigh and look at the ceiling, continuing to lazily run my fingers up and down his arm. We don’t talk that much about regrets, because honestly I believe there are none. But if he has this on his mind I need to make sure that it goes away.

 

“I’ve never told you why I was in such a bad mood that evening when I snapped at you and started all this nonsense…”

 

“What does it have to do with my question?”

 

“Earlier that day, my cousin called to invite me for her wedding. You probably remember that I mentioned her a few times, Rosie?” He nods. “She’s my favourite cousin and she’s not a close-minded little shit like most of my family. So I said that I would love to go, but I would take you with me of course… She said it was more than all right, she understood that I would want to take my partner like everybody else. For once I felt so good about it… I felt that this could be a great opportunity, you know? If we could show to my family that we’re just a normal couple than maybe they would start seeing us with different eyes. I was wrong…”

 

Elio presses an open mouthed kiss to my chin, encouraging me to continue.

 

“My mother called about two hours later, telling me that you weren’t invited for the wedding and I was not allowed to take you to the ceremony… It only goes down from there. I don’t really want to revive all that she said.”

 

The love of my life simply nods and nuzzles my shoulder. Always so affectionate and so warm… How could I ever live without him? And more than that, how could I ever live without his own family, that he so kindly shares with me?

 

“So, when you ask me if I regret something, my immediate answer is no. These… people… they are not my family. You are. They are evil and small minded and I don’t ever want that in my life again.” Elio nods but looks sad. “There’s nothing I can do to change them… I’m done trying. It’s too tiring.”

 

“What about your cousin?”

 

“I called her and explained everything… I said I wouldn’t go without you but told her that if she ever came to Europe to tell me so we could try to organize a meeting. She said she might one day; she’d love to see Rome and Paris…”

 

“I’d like to meet her… The thought of meeting someone nice from your past is quite endearing.” He giggles feeling better. “You should have told me sooner…”

 

“I know…”

 

“You know my parents love you as if you were their own, don’t you?”

 

“I do… And I’m so grateful for that, you have no idea.”

 

He lets his head lower to my chest again and, automatically, my hand goes to his hair, massaging his scalp until he’s humming in pleasure.

 

“Oliver?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I’m ready for round number three.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, sorry that there's no "sexy times" but I'm terrible at writing them so I figured that there would be no point in bad porn XD There are plenty of authors who do it so perfectly that I didn't want to feel ridiculous in comparison...
> 
> Anyway, hope someone liked this little thing!


End file.
